heaven smiles above me (medussa) wrote,
heaven smiles above me

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i am a fucking idiot

went to heather's for the weekend. friday: went to haight and smoked weed. saturday: went to the Anarchist Bookfair, went to warm water cove to see a show. Poor heather was sadly privy to my unbelievable drunkenness and explosive technicolor vomiting. she had to practically carry me all the way to the bus while i fucking threw up everywhere. and then i threw up on the bus, which was fucking hilarious at 4 in the morning when i was the only one awake but then really really not funny later when i learned quite a few of heather's friends were sitting on the bus with us and saw me puke. so i pretty much fucked things up with heather. its easier with all my other friends because i have known them for three or more years so they are used to me constantly constantly fucking up and doing stupid shit and making a complete fool out of myself but to someone who has only known me for a bit its like whoa. i relayed this story to sophia, who is a much better friend to heather (and in general) than i am and she has named me the stuttering drunk. I AM A FUCKING IDIOT. normally i wouldnt really care; i would embrace my filthy vomiting drunkenness and inebriation and yell at the world "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT? HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN A DRUNK GIRL BEFORE?????" but its always with people who i really like and who are much cooler than me that i fuck up monumentally. its always that goddamn morning after when i wake up and realize what i did and then have to indure the incredible awkwardness of being around the person who is so pissed at you and who thinks you are a total embarrassment and whatnot and just cringe inside because you know you can't say anything or fix it.
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